Sheriff Selig Gets His Man: Major League Baseball Gets Tough on Steroids

MLB has made its first suspension of a player this year, under its new, tough, steroids ban. This will show the fans that Commissioner Bud Selig & Co. are for real. So, who got hit? Was it Barry? Sammy? No, it was Alex Sanchez. Alex who? Exactly. The guy has neither the muscles nor the stats to be of concern to anyone. The 5’10” Sanchez, a centerfielder who was just signed two weeks ago by Tampa Bay, after getting cut by Detroit, weighed in last year at 179 pounds, in a sopping wet uniform. But I know what tipped off MLB. The guy more than tripled his home run frequency from the 2003 to the 2004 season. Whereas in 2003, he only hit one home run in 557 at-bats, in 2004, he averaged one per 166! (Two home runs in 332 ABs). The budding slugger has four home-runs in 1351 lifetime at-bats. Another tip-off that Sanchez was hanging around with the wrong sort of people, may have been his deteriorating stolen base numbers. In 2003, he stole 52 bases while getting caught 24 times (.684 average), but in 2004, he only stole 19, while getting caught 13 times (.594 average). And the reports about Sanchez’ apprehension said that he weighed in at 180 pounds. That extra pound gave him away! I’m sure the folks in MLB security told him, “You can’t fool us, Sanchez!” The ten-day suspension will cost Sanchez $32,787 of his $600,000 salary. Sanchez denies he’s on the juice, and says he’ll fight the suspension, but he’s taking the fall. He’s going down. Sheriff Selig swore he’d set things aright in old Dodge, and that means you, Alex Sanchez. That sigh of relief you heard, was from Sammy Sosa. Barry Bonds didn’t sigh, because like Pete Rose before him, he thinks he’s above the law. And if the Sheriff is any indication, unlike Rose, who did go down, Bonds is right.