Does Carlos Beltran Play for the New York Mets, or the New York Martinezes?

By Nicholas Stix In the Mets’ 6-4 victory tonight at Yankee Stadium, Carlos Beltran hit a home run off Yankees starter Mike Mussina, but that wasn’t noteworthy. Pedro Martinez was pitching for the Mets, and Beltran has hit eight of his nine home runs this year while Martinez is pitching. The problem is that while Beltran has hit 88.9 percent of his home runs for Martinez, Martinez, as befits a contemporary starting pitcher, has only pitched in 20.5 percent of the Mets’ games. And Martinez’ slice of the Mets’ starts is bound to go down, as skipper Willie Randolph occasionally pitches him on an additional day’s rest, and Martinez’ annual injuries hit his ailing right shoulder and possibly other body parts. Unfortunately for Mets’ owner Fred Wilpon, who signed Beltran to a seven-year, $119 million contract to join the team as the most coveted free agent during the last off-season, Beltran plays center field, and is due to play every game, not every fifth or sixth. Wilpon’s GM, Dominican-born Omar Minaya, had first signed fellow Dominican Pedro Martinez to a four-year, $53 million deal last winter, which was probably necessary, in order to entice the Puerto Rican Beltran to come to Flushing. (I know, I know. Dominicans and Puerto Ricans can’t stand each other, but as the saying goes, “they always end up marrying each other.” Marriage, baseball, same difference.) But that’s what you have to pay to get a future Hall of Fame pitcher. And if Martinez weren’t nearing the end of his career with that shoulder of his, his price tag would have been at least fifty percent higher. I had suspected that perhaps Beltran, who had been humble and said all the right things when he signed with the Mets, didn’t like putting out for non-Hispanic pitchers, of whom the Mets have no lack of second-rate examples (Tom Glavine, Kaz Ishii). But then I recalled that he doesn’t put out for Venezuelan pitcher Victor Zambrano, either. (Maybe Beltran just doesn't like Venezuelans. Of course, if my introduction to Venezuela had been through Hugo Chavez and Victor Zambrano, instead of via Alicia Machado and Edgardo Alfonzo, I might not have any use for Venezuelans, either.) Beltran had suffered for a month from a strained right quadriceps muscle, which slowed down his base-running and caused him to forsake stealing bases, but his quad would presumably be in the same condition when Glavine, Ishii, Zambrano Kris Benson or Martinez is pitching. (Beltran is only one-for-three this season at base stealing, after stealing 42 last year -- and only getting caught an incredible three times). Fred Wilpon paid all that free agent money, because Beltran had averaged 110.8 runs scored, 102.5 RBI, 29.2 home runs and 37.2 stolen bases over the past four seasons in Kansas City and Houston. Currently, including his heroics for Martinez, he is on a pace to score 65 runs, knock in 78 runs, hit 19 homers, and steal two bases. Mets broadcaster Dave O’Brien gently needled Beltran during tonight’s game. “I think when you see him start getting big leads [off first base], dangerous leads, you’ll see him start also stealing bases … for Pedro.” But O’Brien is Beltran’s biggest fan, compared to the anonymous satirist at The Brushback.

“You see people like A-Rod, Jason Giambi, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Chan Ho Park--guys who signed huge deals that subjected them to unbearable pressure and made them the subject of scorn and ridicule everywhere they played,” said [Beltran’s agent, Scott “the Avenging Agent”] Boras. “Carlos feels like he is in the same league as these guys and he deserves the same kind of deal. He wants to be rich, surly and miserable, and I’m determined to make it happen for him. Before the contract expires, he’ll hate baseball and his life, and he’ll have piles of useless money that he could never possible spend. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

But Boras was quick to point out that it’s not all about making his client rich.

“It’s not all about Carlos’s bank account. It’s also about my bank account,” said Boras. “See, I get 10 percent of these deals. So while my client is being bashed in the press for being greedy, and he’s failing to meet the insane expectations that come with such a mammoth contract, I’ll be at home rolling around in hundred dollar bills with high-priced hookers….

“[Alex Rodriguez] is a really lucky guy. I envy him,” said Beltran. “Not only him, but also guys like [Jason] Giambi and Ken Griffey, Jr., too. In fact, it’s really rare for a player’s performance to actually improve after signing a huge mega-contract. 9 times out of 10 their performance drops off, and then the [crap] hits the fan. That’s what I want. I’m going to bleed whichever team that signs me for every penny they have. I’ll be as greedy as possible, making it that much easier for everyone to hate me.”

What is no laughing matter, however, is that the Mets, after signing Martinez and Beltran (and Glavine and Benson), sinking over $110 million into this year’s payroll, and winning their last two games, are only 36-37. They’re still a win away from mere mediocrity, no matter what you call them.